Deleted post, frustration, agh.

I wrote about half of an entry yesterday and saved it as a draft, and it's been deleted by the Blogger outage. Oh well.

I guess I'm just sort of frustrated right now. I feel like there's a ton of things going on, and a ton of things that I should be aware of and keeping track of, and I just can't do it. So I'm going to make a list.

1. Sarah's going to be home for a week, and she and my parents will probably be coming to Winona to visit. This is great and everything, but the apartment is a mess, not everything has been moved in, and Nate rolled his ankle last night on our run, so I really can't move the big things too well by myself. But the dishes need to be done, the floor needs to be mopped, we've got a ton of laundry to take of, and I know that no matter what I do, there's still going to be some kind of a mess when they get there. And I'm just not up for being judged on that right now.

2. Work. I have a few forms that I keep putting off filling out (401K, ahem, making investment decisions is haaaard), and I need to do them this afternoon. Or else. Also, having this job split between two receptionists is making for all kinds of miscommunications, and since the other girl is super take-charge and keeps leaving me annoying notes, I'm getting a bit peeved. She's also getting morning training that I'm not, which means that while it may not been good that she still needs someone to sit with her, I'm also getting left out of the loop on some things. That's not really how I want to start this job out. We should always be on an equal footing.

3. Bills. My brain just sort of shuts down when I think about them, like avoiding them will make them go away. I know this isn't the case, so why do I keep doing it? Not having internet isn't helping, either. I really, really need to get these taken care of. I also have a check from the coffee shop that I haven't deposited, because I'm not even sure WHICH bill I need to pay with it. I worked out yesterday that if I only work 15 hours a week at BG, I'll make enough to nominally cover my bills, even if I have nothing left over. Problem is, I'm not even getting that many hours right now. And if I pick up another job, the puppy is going to have to spend more time by himself (we're trying to keep it at three hours or less a day, until his separation anxiety wears off).

4. The puppy. God, I just love him so much. But he's messy, horny, and hates it when either of us leaves, which is adorable when he's just tracking us around the apartment, but worrying if I have to tie him up outside for a few minutes or go to work. The other morning I left him outside of McDonalds for like, three minutes, and he got himself so badly tangled in his leash that it started to choke him. So I had this screaming puppy twisting around, and I couldn't get at the knot because he was so scared he was snapping, and it was only sheer luck that he managed to flip over and right himself. It was terrifying. I never want to see anything like that ever again. I mean, seriously, I'm still not over how badly that scared me.

That walk was actually just really interesting overall. I was able to calm him after that incident with some bacon and hash browns (I know, feeding your dog McDonalds is bad. But it did make him feel better, and that's all I cared about), and we went down to the levee to sit for a few minutes. While we were there, though, I was approached by this guy in his middle ages. I had been watching him because he was walking down below us, and I wasn't too thrilled when he came up and started walking towards me, but I wasn't actually worried - or if I was, I wasn't hiding it too well, because Samson was having none of it. He stopped the guy about ten feet away from me, and wouldn't let him near. And damn, that pup can bark. The guy literally backed away with his hands up. I'm not going to lie, though - I didn't feel too bad about it. In fact, it was actually pretty cool. Even if he didn't mean any harm, I really don't need strange men approaching me when I'm in an isolated area.

I don't know if it's a terribly insecure or bad thing for me to like about having a dog - especially a fairly protective German Shepherd - but I do. I really like it. I can walk comfortably around town at night, absolutely secure in the fact that this dog actually cares about who's approaching me. And at this point, he's met and been really, really good with so many other people and dogs that if he decides that someone is a threat, I'm not going to argue with him unless I know for a fact that they're not. It does mean that I have to make an effort to control my anxiety, because he'll pick up on it more and more the longer he lives with us, but he's also very soothing for it. We even brought him to Ed's the other night (they allow well-behaved dogs in the bar. How cool is that?), and I was able to comfortably socialize for about three hours. It was pretty great.

So anyway, I'm going to go fill out those bank forms I've been putting off, and then check out the summer NaNo program. (Which, btw, I am SO EXCITED about. A summer writing boost is EXACTLY what we need!)